In this proposal the intended audience for Project IV is:
Why should your audience care about the topic and your proposal?
They should care about the topic of my proposal because it helps out our community and it’s about making a positive change.
One thing I think I did well in my proposal is:
Make my point across on what I think should be done. We should be more thoughtful and caring about our community to make it a better place.
One thing I am not so sure about in my proposal is:
I don’t know if I did it correctly. I know it is supposed to be something that could be an argument so that is what I tried to focus on when typing my proposal.
Many people don't want to stop and help out our community. Mainly it's because of laziness or they don't care. Once we let one thing go, then we let everything go and that could cause our city to be a dump. No one wants to think about their city as a dump. For those of you who have walked around Tom Sawyer Park has most likely seen the barn that is surrounded by a fence that is along the walk path. You can tell it has been pretty damaged and that it is not in its best shape.
There was a massive fire about a year ago that almost burned down the entire barn. It took about 50 firefighters and over an hour just to get the fire out. Luckily, it stayed up unlike other things that got burned down to the ground such as some other old buildings and many trees. However, it seems as if people are treating it like it's a giant garbage can. I’ve been inside of it and it does not look good. There are papers and broken computers thrown everywhere. Also, there are some school desks that have been completely destroyed. It seems as if no one cares enough to clean it up. They have also put a barbed wire around the barn to prevent trespassers to enter and damage it even more. However, people still find their way through that and get in.
There are probably many memories in the barn and we shouldn't treat it like it's nothing and has no meaning to it. It is part of the park so ignoring the barn is basically ignoring the park. It wouldn't be that hard to clean it up and not that long. If one person helps and cleans it up, that could bring in many other people to join and want to help out. We could easily make the park a more beautiful and welcoming place with the help of others.
1. Read through the proposal. Is the intended audience (as stated in the writer’s statement) evident?
ReplyDelete-I didn't see where she said a specific audience but I can immediately tell that the audience would be anyone who goes and visits parks,
How do you know?
-because they would be affected by any changes to the park negative or positive...she also talks about how it would be a more beautiful place if someone would pitch in and help clean up.
Also, does the writer use “I think,” “I believe, “I plan..,” or any other redundant phrases. If so, let them know that these need to be changed and/or deleted.
-I didn't see any.
2. Is there a concise discussion of the subject/topic being proposed?
-yes
What is the topic and where in the proposal is it first mentioned?
-The topic is the little barn and how it looks worn down. she talks about how there was a fire which burnt the building down.
It should be in the first two paragraphs.
3. Is there a concise discussion of the intended focus, aka, thesis statement?
-Yes
This is where you can say “In this paper/project I…” What is the intended focus statement, and where does it fall in the proposal (what paragraph?) If there is no intended focus statement be sure to let them know, and also relay what you as the reader see as the possible focus.
-SHe begins talking about what could be done to improve the park in the 3rd paragraph
4. What is the rationale for choosing the subject/topic?
-She says no one wants to think of their city as a dump.
Who cares, or should care? Why? This should be outlined in the proposal. If not, let them know, and also relay what you as the reader see as the possible rationale.
- She says once you let one thing go everything goes. she also talks about how it wouldn't take very much effort to make a great improvement.
5. Answer this question:
The writer makes me care about the way people treat parks, by stating There are probably many memories in the barn and we shouldn't treat it like it's nothing and has no meaning to it. It is part of the park so ignoring the barn is basically ignoring the park.
By filling in these blanks, does this answer the question “So what?” Using specific information from the proposal itself, how does it answer it? If it is not clear, let them know.